According to Psychologist Robert Sternberg, intimacy stands alongside passion and commitment as one of the three key pillars of any successful romantic relationship.
However, as anyone who’s ever been in a long-term partnership can attest, those early, fiery passions can’t burn forever. Sure, it might have been fun to spend hours entangled between the sheets during those first few passionate months, but sooner or later, the lust has to fade.
The end of the honeymoon phase often sounds the death knell for many new couples. When we first enter a relationship, we tend to view our partner in an ideal light. Sooner or later though, the gloss will start to strip away — you’ll begin to notice their less attractive qualities: their morning breath, their inability to put the toilet seat down, the way they slurp their coffee (even after you’ve made it clear just how irritating you find it).
However, even those lucky couples who manage to work through their differences and move forward together, aren’t entirely out of the woods. Many long-term partners often find themselves stuck in a rut. While there may not be anything overtly wrong, some couples may find themselves slipping into a more platonic relationship with their significant other.
If this sounds familiar, fear not — we’re here to tell you that all is not lost! Below, you’ll find 4 ways you can increase the levels of intimacy in your relationship.
Schedule sex
Life has a habit of getting in the way of things at times. Therefore, it may be that the only things driving a wedge between you and your partner are your daily chores. While we’ll be the first to admit that it’s not very Romeo and Juliet, scheduling time for intimacy can quickly shift sex from a privilege to a priority.
We get it — when you finally get home after a long day, the last thing on your mind is sex. Besides, you’ve still got to shower, prepare an evening meal, take care of your household tasks and find some time to relax or enjoy your hobbies. There are barely enough hours in the day!
Scheduling sex might not make all these tasks disappear, but it will show your partner that you still value intimacy. It’ll also provide ample opportunity for anticipation to build, engaging the biggest erogenous zone of all — your brain! Try sending some sexy texts leading up to the date describing precisely what you’ve got planned. Or if you’re feeling particularly frisky, experiment with a few nude picture messages. Keep it lighthearted and playful — try to rekindle the flirtiness of those early days!
Address the problem head-on
We understand that it can be tempting to ignore intimacy issues and hope they’ll just magically disappear. However, avoiding them can actually make things worse. If it’s been a while since you and your partner have been intimate, it’s important to tackle the issue head-on. By taking action, you can prevent the problem from growing and causing more serious relationship challenges down the line.
Remember to approach the problem sensitively. For example, if you’ve recently struggled with your partner rejecting your sexual advances, you could be forgiven for thinking the problem is you, or more specifically, their attraction to you. This may sometimes be the case. However, be aware that there are a whole range of other factors that could be at play. Here are a few examples:
- Body image issues. Many people struggle with body image issues that can make them feel self-conscious and uncomfortable during intimate moments. This can lead to a lack of confidence and reluctance to engage in physical intimacy.
- Trust issues. Trust is a crucial component of intimacy, and when it’s lacking, it can create barriers to emotional and physical connection. This can arise from past betrayals or other relationship problems. Once broken, it can be incredibly challenging to regain trust in your partner, which is why many couples enlist the help of services such as Betterhelp’s couple’s therapy.
- Communication problems. When partners struggle to communicate, misunderstandings can arise and, if left unaddressed, can escalate into explosive arguments that may even end the relationship.
- Stress and anxiety. Stress and anxiety can impact intimacy by making it difficult to relax and be present in the moment. These feelings can also lead to a lack of desire for physical intimacy.
Certain health conditions, such as erectile dysfunction or dyspareunia, can also make physical intimacy difficult or even impossible. These issues can create emotional barriers to intimacy, as the affected partner may feel ashamed or inadequate. Unfortunately, discussing these sensitive topics in-person with a doctor can be embarrassing or intimidating.
This is where an online pharmacy (like the Independent Pharmacy) can be a valuable resource. By offering discreet consultations and prescriptions, online pharmacies can help individuals overcome physical barriers to intimacy.
Spend some quality time together
If we consider foreplay an essential lead-in to great sex, it could be argued that spending quality time together is equally crucial as a precursor to foreplay. Of course, quality time is a pretty broad descriptor — what is quality time? Is it an expensive holiday abroad? A trip to the movies? A short amble through the park, hand-in-hand? Well, it’s actually all of those, but what really matters is the intention behind the activity itself.
Quality time can involve extravagant spending, but it doesn’t have to. For example, cooking a meal together can be just as (if not more) intimate than visiting a fancy restaurant. The key is to create an atmosphere of closeness and connection.
Once you’re both on the same wavelength, you’ll probably find that your body (and all the latent desire within it) begins to follow suit. And if your bedroom repertoire has fallen into a tired, same-old-same-old routine, a little quality time may also help to open up a dialogue between you and your partner. If you’ve always wanted to get a little adventurous but have felt too embarrassed to ask, you may find that the topic is easier to navigate after a day spent reconnecting as a couple.
Show physical affection
Our final point might seem obvious on the surface, but hear us out: every time you snuggle up close to your partner, your body is flooded with a chemical called oxytocin. Otherwise known as the ‘cuddle hormone’, oxytocin doesn’t just make you feel great; it also helps you to develop a deeper connection to whoever is on the receiving end of your embrace.
The great news is that you don’t even need to engage in a full-on cuddle to enjoy the bonding benefits of oxytocin; holding hands or kissing will work too! So whether you’re strolling down the high street or you’re chilling out in front of the TV, there’s little excuse not to close the gap and get a bit closer!
However, you must remember to respect your partner’s boundaries. If your partner isn’t the touchy-feely type (but you are) don’t lunge in for a French kiss without warning! Take things slow and be prepared to have an open and honest conversation about your mutual expectations. If there’s any sort of disagreement, it may be that you both show love in different ways. Maybe your partner prefers receiving gifts. Or perhaps they appreciate words of affirmation, like hearing you say “I love you” or “You look beautiful today.” Try to figure out your partner’s love language (and yours), and work around it.
The key is to be open and flexible and to show your partner that you respect and care for their feelings and preferences. By doing so, you can increase intimacy in your relationship in a way that feels safe and comfortable for both of you.
